Gendron 2012: Yes we can, tabarnak!
Ëtes-vous en manque de leadership? Croyez-vous que notre belle province se dirige vers une catastrophe économique et même, existentielle? En cette nouvelle ère Obamesque, manquez-vous de confiance envers notre classe politique? Mesdames et messieurs, ne craignez guère! Le changement approche. C’est avec grand plaisir que la chronique politique de montrealing.com offre son appui inconditionnel à l’actuel maire de Huntingdon, Stéphane Gendron, pour les élections provinciales de 2012. Une décision prématurée, dites-vous? Fort probablement. Mais Monsieur Gendron a démontré, au cours des dernières années, qu’il est prêt pour diriger le Québec, et ce, dès que possible! En fait, de son propre aveu, Monsieur Gendron « écoeure le monde dans [son] entourage depuis l’âge de 12 ans en leur disant [qu’il va] devenir premier ministre un jour.»
Ce jour arrive à grands pas. Monsieur Gendron, nous sommes honorés de vous accompagner sur ce chemin qui vous mènera au trône qui vous est destiné.
N.B. : Votre chroniqueur tient à vous assurer, chers lecteurs, que sa couverture de la campagne électorale historique de Son-Excellence-en-attente Monsieur Stéphane Gendron sera dotée de l’objectivité journalistique requise. Cependant, ce même devoir de rigueur journalistique nous oblige de noter que la campagne de Monsieur Gendron risque, en toute objectivité, d’inciter une révolution politique, culturelle, sociale et spirituelle au Québec.
Montreal Canadiens Journalists: Our local heroes
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”Shit-Disturber” Factor
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- Michel Villeneuve
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- Jacques Demers
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- Pierre Houde
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- PJ Stock
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- Randy Tieman
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- Benoit Brunet
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- Andy Bennet
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- Enrico Ciccone
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- Martin Leclerc
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- Denis Casavant
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- Dany Dubé
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- Pierre Pagé
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- Pierre Rinfret
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- Gaston Therrien
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- Guy Daoust
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- Guy Lafleur
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- Jean Perron
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- Luc Gélinas
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- Marc Defoy
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- Mathias Brunet
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- Mitch Melnick
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- Michel Langevin
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- Normand Flynn
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- Red Fisher
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- René Pothier
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- Marc Bureau
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- Yvon Pednault
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- Dave Morissette
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- Rejean Tremblay
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- Ron Fournier
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- Pierre Mcguire
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- Michel Bergeron
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- Mario Langlois
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- Joel Bouchard
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- Francois Gagnon
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- Chantale Macabé
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- Bob Mckenzie
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- Tony Maranero
Le Tour De l’Ile de Montréal
If you live in Montreal and haven’t done this at least once, you are definitely missing out on something very unique. It is not in every city where the streets are closed for a full day so that thousands of people of all ages ride around the city on their bikes. The tour, organized by Vélo Québec, will be held on Sunday June 7 and is a perfect opportunity to get to know your city as the trajectory pretty much takes you everywhere. The path varies between 40 and 50 km and has several sponsored rest areas with free food and drinks, although you should still bring a lunch because let’s just say that whatever they offer is kind of ‘bite-size’ especially for a full day of biking.
The registration fee is minimal (about 20$ for adults) and is worth every penny. The truth is you can probably do the same tour on your own for free, as the trajectory is pretty much a mish-mash of various bike paths, but nothing can be compared to riding along thousands of people, including families, couple, the people who are really into it (you know, the ones with their tights and shit) and of course, my favorites: the weirdos.
You might have noticed from some of my other posts that I am immensely intrigued by weirdos. Well The Tour de l’ile is like a specialty store for weirdos, covering the complete biking sector. These people are probably very normal individuals during the day, but when they get on their bikes, that’s when they transform into bicycle-freaks. A Lot of them are testing bikes they have made in their garage. It’s as if they are unsatisfied with the conventional bicycle design that seems just fine to me. Correct me if I’m wrong but the bicycle is the most common mode of transport in the world, with billions of them being used on a daily basis, and they seem to work just fine! But no. There are some people out there who think that is should be redesigned and end up with some things that look stupid, but not as stupid as the people on them, who typically look extremely proud and uncomfortable at the same time: very entertaining .
The Tour de l’Ile is celebrating its 25th anniversary this year and they will be celebrating it with shows and concerts. The Cirque du Soleil is also celebrating their 25th anniversary, so look for some interesting free shows. The weekend has several bike tours, including the Tour la Nuit and the metropolitan challenge, which is a competitive version of the tour.
You can visit the Vélo Québec website for more info. Montrealing will be doing a recap of all 3 of the events. If you are interseted in reporting one of them, do not hesitate to contact us.
The Habs Make the Playoffs: All Aboard the Bandwagon
The Montreal Canadiens organization is very classy and is stopping its train for all the people who gave up on the team to jump back on the bandwagon. We should see the flags that have disappeared back on the cars pretty soon. The good thing is that these people will blend in unnoticed because they can always say that the flag got too dirty in the winter, or broke off or their dog ate it. Regardless, the Canadiens made it to the playoffs. Maybe not from the backdoor, but it sure wasn’t from the front door; let’s just call it the side door, or even the chimney like Santa. The centennial season turned out to be somewhat disastrous. The media took this team and made it into a mockery, orchestrated by LaPresse, or cyberpresse.ca. Otherwise known as the shit disturbers of the team led by the Bowel movement king himself, Réjean Tremblay, followed by the over 80 journalists and other idiots who cover the Canadiens like TMZ covers Britney Spears. I wouldn’t be surprised if I see a picture of Tom Kostopoulos and his genitalia while getting out of his car one day…
As a celebration of the habs making the playoffs, we will be covering not the Canadiens, but the more than 80 pseudo-journalists covering the habs. You know, the ones who all talk and scream at the same time on pretty much all the channels after a hockey game? It’s pretty much Quebec’s definition of late night shows: different people talking about the the same thing, in a similar setting where the only different is the shape of the table and chairs.
Rita Rants: Drinking; a sad or sophisticated habit?
Earlier this week, I was seated in front of my computer finishing up some work when I noticed I had a bit of wine left in a bottle. Having spent a long day running around the city, I occasionally allow myself to have a glass at the end of my evening to unwind. However, I had to deal with a dilemma: there were no glasses in sight which basically meant I had to get up, go all the way to the kitchen to get one. No, I’m not that lazy, but this meant that I’d have to distance myself from my work, and when I’m on a roll, I don’t even get up to go to the bathroom. That’s right, I hold it in until I find a break… Wait, what the hell did you think I did??– awww you’re sick. So anyways, a weird thought popped into my mind… what if I just drank straight from the bottle? Why not? It is my bottle, there’s only a bit left and I’m alone so I won’t risk being subjected to judgmental stares. Needless to say, I discarded the bottle drinking idea because of the “bum” connotation linked to it. But in the end, it’s the same, right? The wine will taste just as good, so why should I feel like a bum? This got me thinking… where do we draw the line between the drunks and the connoisseurs?
A wine connoisseur can definitely have some wine every day, yet he’s not considered a drunk. He’ll be seen as quite the opposite actually, because his choice of alcohol gives him a higher social status no matter how many bottles he drinks. True, he does that little swirl thing and the sniffing, but that’s besides the point. So what, am I supposed to believe that the swirl & sniff separates us common folks from the high-class elite, sophisticated drinkers? Of course, a connoisseur knows his wine and many would consider this practice to be an art form and even a profession (Hi, I’m Bob… I drink for a living. No, really.) but who says Pierre-Jean from the corner McDonalds on St-Hubert doesn’t savor every drop from his bottle of vodka?
After a few minutes of pondering, I’ve found the answer. It’s actually quite simple. You see; a person’s level of class is solely based on the amount of times they transfer the liquid. Let me explain this theory:
- Drinking straight from a bottle of Chivas: not classy
- Transferring it in a nice straight sided whisky glass: classy
- Drinking wine from the bottle: not classy
- Transferring it to a wine coup: classy
- Transferring the wine into those weird large-bottom vases, and from there transfer it into a glass: very classy!
+ bonus points for the lifted pinky.
The same can be said for beer. But in that case, some drinkers take it up a notch and even skip a step in the production line by drinking straight from the keg, making them go to a -1 level of alcohol transfer. Those are considered to be the least classy drinkers.
So it’s not a matter of what or how much you drink, society has labeled the drunks as people who just skip a few steps.
So, why have we shunned the efficient ones? Instead of wasting time (and not to mention saving water by not having to dirty a few glasses to wash), they’ve managed to still have the same end result in half the time. If anything, they should be applauded!
Thank you, alcoholics, for trying to make this world a more environmentally friendly and efficient place, one 40-ouncer at a time.
La Banquise: 25 variations on a heart attack
Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve definitely heard of those two beautiful words that, when uttered, are sure to induce instant drooling to any young Montrealer. It’s one of those joints that make me wish I wasn’t writing this review on an empty stomach. Of course, I’m referring to La Banquise; the product of some crazy mastermind who one day decided to open a joint that serves almost exclusively Quebec’s pride and joy: the poutine.
If you’ve never heard of it, shame on you and go get some friends, but let me give you a quick recap:
The place first opened in 1968 as a dairy bar, also serving hot dogs and fries. By the 1980’s, the poutine started to gain popularity across Quebec and as a result, was added to the menu. When more and more people were introduced to this glorious artery-clogging dish, it hit a peak in the 1990’s and by 1999, La Banquise’s menu already listed 23 different kinds of poutine.
Now I bet you’re thinking: “Silly girl, how the hell can you make the ingenuous mix of fries, cheese curds and gravy any better??” Although you can never go wrong with the classic recipe, La Banquise offers 25 variations that are sure to especially satisfy the meat lovers. You can find combinations of ground beef, sautéed onions, merguez sausage, bacon… The list goes on, and I assure you that the choice is never an easy or quick one to make when seated in front of the menu.
Their poutine is only half the excitement. Since they’re open 24/7, it’s no wonder that their peak hours are usually when the clubs shut down and a swarm of drunken party-goes, overcome with the munchies, invade the place. Don’t be surprised to find a lineup at 3:30am on a Saturday night. The place isn’t huge but trust me, the food is definitely worth the wait. Call me cheesy (pun!), but you always remember your first time at La Banquise, where a special moment is shared with the people you’re with.
Prices range from 6$ to 12$ for generous portions.
Gym memberships not included.
Are The Habs Improving?
Do you think the Montreal Canadiens are improving their game lately? Has Carey Price finally stopped popping bottles at the clubs and bringing women home? Was it wise to throw Carbonneau out?
Loading ...The Pope Blesses Montreal Canadiens Fans
On a tour in Florida, the Pope took a couple of days off to visit the coast for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the beach in the Pope-mobile when there was a frantic commotion just off shore. A helpless man, wearing a Toronto Maple Leafs jersey, was struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 25-foot shark.
As the Pope watched, horrified, a speedboat came racing up with three men wearing Montreal Canadiens jerseys aboard. One quickly fired a harpoon into the shark’s side. The other two reached out and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious Leafs fan from the water. Then using baseball bats, the three heroes in red beat the shark to death and hauled it into the boat.
Immediately, the Pope shouted and summoned them to the beach. “I give you my blessing for your brave actions,” he told them. “I heard that there was some bitter hatred between Leafs and Habs fans, but now I have seen with my own eyes that this is not the truth.”
As the Pope drove off, the harpooner asked his buddies: “Who was that?”
“It was the Pope,” one replied. “He is in direct contact with God and has access to all of God’s wisdom.”
“Well,” the harpooner said, “he may have access to God’s wisdom, but he doesn’t know shit about shark fishing… how’s the bait holding up?”