Rita Rants: Drinking; a sad or sophisticated habit?

Earlier this week, I was seated in front of my computer finishing up some work when I noticed I had a bit of wine left in a bottle. Having spent a long day running around the city, I occasionally allow myself to have a glass at the end of my evening to unwind. However, I had to deal with a dilemma: there were no glasses in sight which basically meant I had to get up, go all the way to the kitchen to get one. No, I’m not that lazy, but this meant that I’d have to distance myself from my work, and when I’m on a roll, I don’t even get up to go to the bathroom. That’s right, I hold it in until I find a break… Wait, what the hell did you think I did??– awww you’re sick. So anyways, a weird thought popped into my mind… what if I just drank straight from the bottle? Why not? It is my bottle, there’s only a bit left and I’m alone so I won’t risk being subjected to judgmental stares. Needless to say, I discarded the bottle drinking idea because of the “bum” connotation linked to it. But in the end, it’s the same, right? The wine will taste just as good, so why should I feel like a bum? This got me thinking… where do we draw the line between the drunks and the connoisseurs?

A wine connoisseur can definitely have some wine every day, yet he’s not considered a drunk. He’ll be seen as quite the opposite actually, because his choice of alcohol gives him a higher social status no matter how many bottles he drinks. True, he does that little swirl thing and the sniffing, but that’s besides the point. So what, am I supposed to believe that the swirl & sniff separates us common folks from the high-class elite, sophisticated drinkers? Of course, a connoisseur knows his wine and many would consider this practice to be an art form and even a profession (Hi, I’m Bob… I drink for a living. No, really.) but who says Pierre-Jean from the corner McDonalds on St-Hubert doesn’t savor every drop from his bottle of vodka?

After a few minutes of pondering, I’ve found the answer. It’s actually quite simple. You see; a person’s level of class is solely based on the amount of times they transfer the liquid. Let me explain this theory:

• Drinking straight from a bottle of Chivas: not classy
• Transferring it in a nice straight sided whisky glass: classy
• Drinking wine from the bottle: not classy
• Transferring it to a wine coup: classy
• Transferring the wine into those weird large-bottom vases, and from there transfer it into a glass: very classy!
  + bonus points for the lifted pinky.

The same can be said for beer. But in that case, some drinkers take it up a notch and even skip a step in the production line by drinking straight from the keg, making them go to a -1 level of alcohol transfer. Those are considered to be the least classy drinkers.

So it’s not a matter of what or how much you drink, society has labeled the drunks as people who just skip a few steps.

So, why have we shunned the efficient ones? Instead of wasting time (and not to mention saving water by not having to dirty a few glasses to wash), they’ve managed to still have the same end result in half the time. If anything, they should be applauded!

Thank you, alcoholics, for trying to make this world a more environmentally friendly and efficient place, one 40-ouncer at a time.

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