Montrealing » Montreal Canadiens

Vote For Your Favourite Montreal Canadiens Journalist

chmafia — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 01:53:57 +0000

It’s finally time to vote for your favourite (or non-favourite) Montreal Canadiens journalist(s), based on the four characteristics we had discussed before. Basically, this is how it’s going to work: below, you have the four lists of journalists based on credibility, knowledge, like-ability and shit disturbor factor. Pick the five journalists whom you think deserve said characteristics. Once we have a high enough number of votes, we’ll publicize the results for everyone to see and discuss. Enough jibber-jabber, time to vote!

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll. Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll. Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll. Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

Jacques Martin is the new Canadiens Coach

chmafia — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 22:46:20 +0000

For the first time since another Jacques was hired, the Montreal Canadiens organization have put and experienced coach behind the bench. Now I’m not saying we’re going to win our 25th cup next season, but it sure is a step towards it.

The fact is that we have a young team and we need an experienced coach to control these kids, almost like a father figure. Forgive me for my simplistic comparison, but Carbo was like that cool uncle everybody has and Jacques Martin is well… the boring one. My comparison might be simplistic, but I think it makes complete sense, just picture them while reading the rest of the article.

Carbo with his wife

CARBO: The Cool Uncle

The cool uncle is typically well dressed and talks about the ladies like he is part of the boys. They are extremely cool and relaxed until you piss them off, and that is when the shit hits the fan. Cool uncles have a temper, and when I say temper, I mean they go all out! art of it is because they feel that they have an authority because they are older, but the truth is they loose that authority the minute they start talking about tits and ass with the guys. The funny thing about it is that everybody likes to piss off the cool uncle, just for kicks, so we trigger it just to get a laugh to a point where there is some animosity developed. I wonder if that’s what happened between the boys and Carbo

Jacques doing his thing

MARTIN: The Boring Relative

On the other hand, Martin is the boring relative who demands to be treated with respect. Nobody even wants to piss this guy off because of simply because of the way he screams at his cat and neighbors. These species typically command respect and making fun of them although is more frequent, is typically done in secret. Unfortunately, Martin is also known for coaching a boring defensive style, so prepare for a more defensive and unexciting style of hockey.

Well that’s it for my comparison. I know it’s borderline stupid, but whether you like it or not, it kind of makes sense. I really think that at this point, experience is key and that Bob Gainey found the ideal candidate for the job: our long awaited boring relative.

Montreal Canadiens Journalists: Our local heroes

chmafia — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 16:53:30 +0000

The follow up to my first post covering the people who cover the Canadiens has started. But before we go along and start the journalism, we must first identify these people we call our heroes. I thought I would post up their pic, but surprisingly their pictures are hard to find on the net. Another reason I want to post all their pics is to visually show the number of people who cover the Habs, people whose opinions have more airtime than the team performance itself. These individuals truly are superstars and deserve to be treated like superstars! As I cannot afford a cartoonist, I decided to duplicate my heroes and bring them to life in the form of Nintendo Wii characters. These individuals work for all types of different media and their work is mostly based on rumors and perceptions. Since they spend most of their time rating the Habs on their performance, we will do the same with them, based on the the following criteria.

Click on these Pictures and rate them solely based on your opinion or perceptions, no need to worry about facts, they don’t mind it.

Go ahead and vote!

The Habs Make the Playoffs: All Aboard the Bandwagon

chmafia — Sun, 12 Apr 2009 05:07:19 +0000

The Montreal Canadiens organization is very classy and is stopping its train for all the people who gave up on the team to jump back on the bandwagon. We should see the flags that have disappeared back on the cars pretty soon. The good thing is that these people will blend in unnoticed because they can always say that the flag got too dirty in the winter, or broke off or their dog ate it. Regardless, the Canadiens made it to the playoffs. Maybe not from the backdoor, but it sure wasn’t from the front door; let’s just call it the side door, or even the chimney like Santa. The centennial season turned out to be somewhat disastrous. The media took this team and made it into a mockery, orchestrated by LaPresse, or cyberpresse.ca. Otherwise known as the shit disturbers of the team led by the Bowel movement king himself, Réjean Tremblay, followed by the over 80 journalists and other idiots who cover the Canadiens like TMZ covers Britney Spears. I wouldn’t be surprised if I see a picture of Tom Kostopoulos and his genitalia while getting out of his car one day…

As a celebration of the habs making the playoffs, we will be covering not the Canadiens, but the more than 80 pseudo-journalists covering the habs. You know, the ones who all talk and scream at the same time on pretty much all the channels after a hockey game? It’s pretty much Quebec’s definition of late night shows: different people talking about the the same thing, in a similar setting where the only different is the shape of the table and chairs.

The Pope Blesses Montreal Canadiens Fans

Saro G. — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 19:45:35 +0000

On a tour in Florida, the Pope took a couple of days off to visit the coast for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the beach in the Pope-mobile when there was a frantic commotion just off shore. A helpless man, wearing a Toronto Maple Leafs jersey, was struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 25-foot shark.

As the Pope watched, horrified, a speedboat came racing up with three men wearing Montreal Canadiens jerseys aboard. One quickly fired a harpoon into the shark’s side. The other two reached out and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious Leafs fan from the water. Then using baseball bats, the three heroes in red beat the shark to death and hauled it into the boat.

Immediately, the Pope shouted and summoned them to the beach. “I give you my blessing for your brave actions,” he told them. “I heard that there was some bitter hatred between Leafs and Habs fans, but now I have seen with my own eyes that this is not the truth.”

As the Pope drove off, the harpooner asked his buddies: “Who was that?”

“It was the Pope,” one replied. “He is in direct contact with God and has access to all of God’s wisdom.”

“Well,” the harpooner said, “he may have access to God’s wisdom, but he doesn’t know shit about shark fishing… how’s the bait holding up?”

Gillett considers selling Montreal Canadiens

Saro G. — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 21:08:43 +0000

In case you haven’t heard, about 4-5 hours ago, several news outlets (here’s one) have reported that the Gillet family is selling the Montreal Canadians hockey team. I guess Mr. Gillet has had enough of his team losing and is wanting to get out before the team is worth nothing more than a stack of pennies. I really can’t blame him either. The whole 100th Anniversary thing is a joke now and needs not to be mentioned with the way the team is playing this season.

It was only last week that Bob Gainey fired head coach Guy Carbonneau, and we seriously have seen zero improvement in the way the Canadians are playing. You know who I blame? Carey Price. This kid has been spotted downtown more often than Hollywood “The Banana Guy”. Seriously, you can most likely find him at any of the higher end clubs smoking and getting shit-faced with a couple of locals. This type of behaviour is to be expected, since he’s from western Canada and they don’t exactly have nice clubs like Montreal does. Plus, he’s a country boy wanting to party with his new money. Yep, I blame Price.

Coach Carbonneau Fired

Barabosa — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 02:52:06 +0000

It’s just too bad that it came to this, but props to Gainey for taking the tough decision. Carbo is a great guy but it had come to a point where he was taking the wrong coaching decisions and digging himself in a bigger whole, mainly because the players had given up on him. Looking at Various reports, we can conclude that Carbo would not win any awards for communication skills… Don Lever, the coach of the Bulldogs (the Canadiens farm Team) is coming to Montreal to asssist Gainey. The question is, can he be the next coach? even if he is not bilingual? If so, Gainey would once again take the tough decision as I can only imagine how the French media would react with an anglo coach…